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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
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A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
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The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
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I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/15/(Sun) 07:41
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